…broken promises….

Monday, June 02, 2008

[[back.]]

disappointed.
disappointment. this is what i feel.
and if you think its about my results.
its not. not entirely.
yes, i could have done better. but. i think given that i crammed everything in one week, and had urops stuff up till the friday before reading week, its amazing that i didnt fail anything. praise the Lord!
but still. yes. its you again. since jc days. since j2. since u got a bf. its been like that. nothing you say can be trusted. promises. are like. nothing. broken. shattered. i. am. tired.

dont say you'll call when you wont.
dont say you'll call back when our conversation gets interrupted when you dont.
dont sms me if you dont plan on replying.
dont make plans when they dont materialise.
dont say you miss me unless you really do.
dont. dont. dont. i dont believe it anymore.
if you think such things only apply to bfs/gfs (for guys), think again. it applies to friends too. to siblings. to parent-child relationships. to all basic humantohuman relationships.
you dont live just for BGRs.
and i am so tired.

emptiness.
this feeling of a vacumm right in the centre of me.
maybe this is why all i do is watch dramas.
taiwanese. japanese. korean. even korean! korean soaps. this is the ultimate. there is something wrong with me. 80episodes. and i watched it all. and cried. and cried and cried. never before. and wished. that i had a bf. someone to walk me home. drive me around at night, to nowhere. walk down the street hand-in-hand with. lean against. sit by the beach with. watch the sunset. then the sunrise. smell the morning air. go to the park by my house with. to the playground. on the swings. at night. ............... dont want to go on anymore.
im tired.

but thank you suyi. for spending my holidays with me. i know that ure a veryvery busy person (hahaha), but really thank you that even though u still have other pple to meet, u still go out with me, almost at least once a week. to do crazy things with. to go window shopping with. really. thank you. and theres still so much more to do, so leave some days free for me k? *winks*

deph. when will we meet up? how have you been? i really do miss you. i really miss those jc days. i miss having lessons with you and going for lecture with you and stoning with you (at the bleachers!) and running off to town after a normal school day even though we have tutorials to do. where have those days gone? where do they seem so distant... even though we study at the same uni, are prolly at the same area almost 5 days of the week, i feel as though... its as good as if one of us is overseas. in fact, wld we be closer that way? i dont know.

gpsm. take care ok? im sorry i bombarded you with those ramblings... it was rather late at night, so dont blame me. i guess u'd be tired of me and all my pessimism. im sorry i cant make u laugh or smile as much as we used to back in those good 'ol days at mg. i guess im just becoming old. old old yin teng. ~ anw, take care in the states k? u lucky gal. what wld i give to be there with you...

where is the him that i’m looking for… |12:12 am|

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