…broken promises….

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

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recently ive been feeling like such a burden to everyone. its like nobody wants me, but cos theyre too nice, so they make time for me.

sometimes i know that the people who love me, ie my sister, doesnt mean to make me feel left out. and its her freedom to go out with her friends. besides, she is at that age now, where friends become more and more important in her life. its just that... i dont know.. maybe its cos im too attached to her, or maybe its cos she's the best friend i have, that i sometimes feel she doesnt have time for me anymore. that being in terms of going out with me, cos we hardly ever get the chance to go out, what with my mum always wanting to be around and all. its just... im alright with her being with her friends, in fact, at her age, i would worry if she didnt have friends to go out with.. its just that the hurt and disappointment that i feel (which is just a tiny portion, really) becomes amplified whenever i talk to her and she can feel it and that makes her sad, which makes me sad, but i cant help it and i cant stop it, cos i dont want to mask the truth and i dont want to pretend that im really 100% ok when there ist 1% of me that's not. and the worst thing is, i dont think that anyone understands.

maybe its time for me to get a boyfriend. but given my character and looks, i dont think that will ever be possible.

maybe i should consider becoming a nun...

i know i should give all these unhappy feelings to God, and i want to, but part of me is just... i dunno... turning away... Lord, please help me.

my head feels like its about to explode. i wish i could crawl out if my skin, be someone im not, go somewhere i havent been to, and live in someplace else.

now i know what they mean by "anywhere but here".

who really understands me? nobody. not even myself.

where is the him that i’m looking for… |3:54 pm|

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